Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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