This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
