my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
