i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
