I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Drunk is not a location!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
