Princesses don't give blow jobs
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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