i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
