he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
