are you still at the devil's house?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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