And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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