we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
