Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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