Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
