I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing