You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem