Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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