There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?