Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
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I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.