i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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