Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
