So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
