i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
