my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
