as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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