Girls should come with a carfax report
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
