We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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