and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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