Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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