We're facebook friends in real life
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize