Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
