he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
