remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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