you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
