Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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