She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
