Duck Duck Cougar?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
