you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize