Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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