genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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