I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
