i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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