I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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