hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
