Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
4 words: hood of his car
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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