you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
