Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I came so hard my ears popped.
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