Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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