Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
