I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
