I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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