know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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