Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
