maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
