nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
