Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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