Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
