how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
