The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
