he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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