Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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