She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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