i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
