k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
