You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
