he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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