Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
