dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
