dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
