I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
