Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
