"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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