just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
