ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
